child of weakness watch & pray

Point blank, I am overwhelmed with emotions today. The man to the right of us is about to take his last breath. soul after soul leaves his room tonight with blotchy red faces, heads hung low, hand in hand, broken hearts, yet overflowing love shines from them all. The woman we usually pass everyday in the hall while walking, has had more then one alarm come from her room today; she is literally holding on for dear life- or most likely machines are holding on to her dear life. From room 209 you have the most perfect view of the water, ferry, downtown, and mountains BUT before you look further there is something much closer- the helicopter pad. How often do you get to watch a helicopter take off and land? At first I was exited to be able to watch the "action" until the other night. As I was on pintrest I watched the Helicopter leave the hospital 3 times- my heart sunk. Don't get me wrong it's cool, but when you realize that is someone's loved one, I broke. Sometimes emotions win and I'm being faced everyday with the more then REAL, realization that life is too short, too precious, and too fragile. I found myself the other night, broken before God, hands on the window, in tears, praying like mad for each of those beautiful souls and their family members. God holds their whole world in his hands, he has a plan, and in that I find my strength.

Momma Update:

Last Wednesday night, mom was puking and running a temp of 103.3, so needless to say she ended up in the ER. After a few X-rays, blood tests, and other things we were informed Mom has pneumonia. Mom was admitted and started on antibiotics. After the first few days she was improving, the last lung X-ray shows the pneumonia is gone :) Doctor Winter came in to explain to us that the chemo we were hoping would bring down her cancer counts, was not working like he hoped; so she decided to try a different kind. She went through 3 different kinds of chemo on Tuesday, one specifically makes you extremely nauseous and that has thrown her for a loop. Day 3 & 4 are the hardest for her so I'm hoping tomorrow (being day 5) will improve. Mom has been miserable, and is being PUMPED with anti-nausea medications that are barley scraping the surface. It's been a bit of a challenge getting her medications right; one helps her nausea but makes her loopy & out of her mind; the other leaves her mind alone but barley helps her stomach. Hopefully we will find the right combination sooner then later. She is sleeping a lot more, and is herself more then not these days- which is a blessing. Depending on how she is feels, she will walk, she will go out to the healing garden when it's sunny, gets sassy with the nurses, talks with other patients, and is more herself- just depends on the day.

Wednesday there was a knock on our door, a man came in and offered for mom to decoupage. Cort and I were both taken back when she said SURE! It was one of the most precious moments with my mom. She had so much fun!! I think it was very helpful for her to "escape" reality, it was good for her soul && her mind. Plus it brought us so much joy just watching her. The hospital also has a GREAT DANE that comes around to share joy. HE WAS MASSIVE!! He just walked right up to mommas hospital bed and put his head on her hand, he was so sweet!! The love my mom gets from animals is crazy, but it was so nice to see her excited, and want to pet the dog. Anything & everything that brings a smile to her beautiful face these days makes me one happy daughter.

I don't know how much longer we will be in the hospital, but they will check her cancer counts again on Tuesday. She will also get another dose of Chemo on tuesday; Good news is she will not be getting the "bad" chemo. Mom has really made friends with so many staff members on 2W. People are just drawn to mom, there is just something about this lady that makes you love her. She loves in the most unconventional ways but boy does she love.

The man to the right of us JUST got taken away on the stretcher. He has officially left the earth- please pray for his family! Oh God- this is so hard. The reality of everything going on is so HARD. The reality of the POA paper work, the will paper work, funeral preparation, the fact that she might not be here for Christmas, my birthday, my graduation, my wedding, my anything........... it's just so heartbreaking, so overwhelming- I don't even know if there are words to describe this feeling- shit sucks, I know that. (( for you extreme people- I'm not saying mom is leaving anytime soon, but are just getting our ducks in a row))

Tomorrow is a new day, a new fight, and anything is possible. Please Pray <3