Do NOT be Afraid

The Phrase " Do not be Afraid" is written in the bible 365 times. 

That's a daily reminder from God to LIVE everyday FEARLESS.

The Foos family is officially all living in the same state, making memories, and mending relationship. Cortney has moved home for the time being; I'm happy she is going to get to spend so much more time with momma. It will be really weird once mom is home to all be living under the same roof again, but in some ways I'm excited!

If I'm being completely honest I have not been the best sister in the past. Cortney and I are really different people, with two totally different outlooks on life. It's always been really hard for me to get along with her, and to connect. I know we are sisters and that we should have that "bond" that everyone talk's about, but we really don't. I have been scared for her to come home because not only are we not that close, but I will have to share my mom; all while living under the same roof. Sharing is something you learn as a baby, you would think I would have it down by now. Ask me to share anything, but sharing my mom is hard for me. I'm crazy about being by her side 24/7, and now my sister is going to NEED her time also. I'm glad that she gets it really, it's just going to be a lesson for me.

I'm selfish I know.

I started to realize this a few weeks ago & I have been praying for my heart to soften. I have been praying that God will work in my heart, in my worry, and most of all in Cortney and I's relationship. So much so that I was worried but EXCITED for her to come home, spend time with mom, and for her and I to share this time. Cort is home officially for 3 months, that means both of us are not going to be working and we will have so much time to hash out anything we need. She will be able to spend time with momma, I will be able to spend time with her, and WE will be able to spend time with her. I'm excited to make memories with us as "adults" with my momma. I'm excited for her crazy/hyper side to shine, for us to work out together, for us to bond and create the sister relationship that along the way we have misplaced. This is just anther Gift from God. When else would we ever have 3 months of no work, living in the same state, and be in a situation that is raw and in need of family? Though we are so different, I'm just so excited to lay down the past with her and create a new feature. 

"Love.... binds everything together in perfect harmony" Colossians 3:14

Momma update

Where to start, I feel like I always say "today has been a ruff day" but let's be honest it has. Today over all has been an emotional day. Tears have fallen down our faces, we have laughed, we have smiled, and we have encouraged when it is needed. The CNA weighed mom this morning and told her that she is loosing 1 pound a day on average. Oh how I wish she would have never said anything to my mom and just to me because it shook her to the core. They hooked her up to a push button pain machine, meaning she can control to a extent how much pain meds she receives through the day. This sounds like a great idea, but if you know my mom she HATES pain medication and HATES pressing the button. Mom doesn't want to become addicted and she waits until the pain is at a 5 or 6 before she presses the button; shattering the purpose of the machine. Today she has gotten better at pressing it when the pain is between a 2&3... it's a POSITIVE!  Cort got here around 10, it was REALLY good to see her and know she is here. Mom really loved seeing her- it will be wonderful for the two of them to spend more time with each other. Mom had half of her chemo tonight and will get the second part tomorrow night. She has taken small bites here and there, they are still trying to get her to eat something more. She has been up and walking a lot more in the last few days then she was, so that's awesome! She is sleeping now and seems to have her pain under control. She also seems to be in a better mood then earlier today.

The hardest part so far has been the other day when she said " I just wanna give up", I never thought I would hear those words from her mouth... EVER. I know she has every right, but it doesn't make it any easier, or any less painful to hear. I think she has come out of that slump for the moment; but I know it will be back at some point; rightfully so. 

" When you've done everything you can do, that's when God will step in and do what you can't do." 

2 Corinthians 12:10

Thank you so much for all your prayers, and for keeping my family in your thoughts :)

" I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble but take courage, I have conquered the world." John 16:33

God Bless & Goodnight <3