Search and you will find

I guess i will start out be explaining a little about me.

I was born into a wonderful loving family, yet a family with many issues. I grew up in a nice neighborhood allowing me to have friendships that have lasted over the years. I was invited to church when I was a child, and then and there is where my whole life took a turn; a turn for the better. I Accepted God into my heart more times then i ever thought possible, and i was told over and over again how much God loves me. These are memories that have stuck with me through every trial, smile, valley, and festivity. God is good. I went through my nerdy Jr. high moments; figuring out how to turn from a "tom boy" to a "girly girl". I don't think you could have found one pink item in my whole closet before high school. Then as i "gracefully" entered high school, i conformed to what society tells us girls need to look like. My everyday routine started a hour earlier, make up; hair did; fashion; name brands; oh and don't forget you have to smell nice too. Boyfriend, eating disorders, being popular- though non of it was "difficult" it was hard to remember God, and the morals i had always set for myself. On top of the new addition's i had hidden secrets in my family; alcoholism & a marriage between my parents that never matched up to what i thought a marriage should be. Life had its up's and downs. 

In high school I, like many other girls- was deeply head over heals in love with the man i was going to Marry. We were perfect- nothing could stop us...... 3 years later, countless breakups, unbelievable fights, countless other girls, and many "romantic" nights- this all came to a end. I was crushed.  I went through a really hard year, many tears, counseling, lots to Jesus, and lots of love and support from my family and friends. Needless to say i finally over came the "i can't live with out him, he's the one i will marry stage"

A year Later i met a man, we dated for 3 years, got engaged and 12 days before our wedding we called it off. It was a very hard decision, but a very wise one. We made the decision together and though we have had really hard times, bitterness, confusion, broken hearts, and now healing- it has been a wonderful learning stage of life.

I never believed the people who said- you Change so much between 20-25, but boy were they all right!

I'm not telling you all this to be dramatic, i'm telling you this because its all apart of my testimony; its how i found jesus again, and how i have fallen even more in love with him though every season of my life. If anyone can be affected by my story or stop to think about Jesus within their own life because of my story- i have done what i hoped to do.

4 days after calling the wedding off my Mom was Diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer, 3 days after that she was being operated on at Seattle Cancer Care; her surgery lasted 6 hours. During the two weeks she was in Seattle i went to work from 7-4, drove the hour to the hospital, and stayed with her till midnight. Then i drove the hour home and started work again at 7 am. When she got home we started Chemo. I have a love hate relationship with Chemo, leaning more towards the hate side. A week after my mom getting home, my ex Fiance called and said his dad had terminal Cancer; After being so connected with his family for 4 years, you can only imagine the feeling of now having 2 parents going through cancer. 

My mom went though once a week Chemo for 6 months. Finally we got the news everyone was hoping and praying for- she is in remission. I can not even explain to you the over flowing JOY and excitement my family shared on this day. I was finally able to watch my mom get strong again, grow hair, go on adventures, not feel sick all the time, be happy and hopeful, and really enjoy life again. 

I think you know what's coming next

My mom was re-diagnosed in January of 2012. She has been going through Chemo and radiation for the last year. Her counts have been lower, higher, and she has good days and bad days. I also know many people say this about their parents. BUT i can honestly say...

- MY MOTHER IS THE STRONGEST HUMAN I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE.

My year so far;

- Jan 1- dad has a stroke

-Jan 6- dad is home. ( honestly this is a miracle in its self)

- Jan 9- mom got admitted

- Jan 17- mom came home

- Jan 24- mom got admitted

- Jan 27- mom came home.

But this time when mom came home, she came home with a 24/7 IV that has to be changed once a day, blood sugar has to be checked every 6 hours, i have to clean her port, make sure to infuse the bags with the right meds, call the doctors to update them, help her up and down, try to convince her to eat, stay positive, and try to make her smile. Which i might add i find as a blessing- its a blessing i get to share this time with my momma, and make even more memories with her. I am really looking forawrd to sharing stories with her, loving on her, driving her crazy, making her food, cooking dinner for my dad, cleaning the house, & just being around her. This is a gift of time from God, not everyones gets to spend everyday with their loved ones- i'm going to take advantage of it while i can :)

I have also just put my two weeks in at a very good job to stay home with my mom and help 24/7 as she needs :). Hopefully with the new Chemo they are giving her we will have different results, but she now only receives it once a month. But Gods will be done, and what ever Gods plan is, its better then my plan, and i will be happy with what ever that plan is, i'm just blessed to be able to be part of it.

I did not start this Blog for the poor me's or to make anyone sad- that is totally opposite of its purpose. I started this blog so that i could give you a "short" version of my testimony and have the ability to point out where God has made it more then clear that he is shining though in EVERY situation and that he is King of Kings, he has a plan, his plan is better then mine, and no matter how crazy my life sounds, i'm not "stressed" because i know God has me in his hands, and he controls my whole world, and on top of that- he holds my mommas world in his hands too :)

Jesus is in every season, sometimes you have to "look" harder to understand, sometimes you want to run away, and sometimes you just need his arms to fall into and cry. Sometimes you want Jesus to party with you, sometimes you want to go on dates with Jesus, sometimes its easy to open your bible to read; and sometimes there is nothing harder in the world then to open the one book that you know will speak life. Sometimes Jesus seams so small, and other times you can't even understand how BIG Jesus really is, sometimes Prayers are answered over night, in a week, or sometimes they are answered 10 years after praying for that prayer. God has his timing- we as humans never understand it until we can look back and see "why", but Gods timing is perfect; there is a reason for everything; a season for everything; and a God who never once has left you, and will always be there with arms wide open- waiting for that one precious moment he gets to spend with you <3